Monday, April 18, 2016

No Matter, My Age


No Matter, My Age

It was a big fat birthday, the one I just had.  True, I woke up that morning in one of the most glorious places I’ve ever had the privilege to sleep and, true again, I was kissed by men all day, men I didn’t know, who found out the significance of the date and, also true, I was happy all day long and remain so now.  But, still. This was the sort of birthday that makes one struggle to justify one’s time on the planet, a birthday that prompts the inner questions of, “What am I doing?” and “What have I done?”, and perhaps even more pertinent, “Is that a wrinkle or a laugh line?”. 

 I tell myself that this birthday doesn’t bother me in the slightest.  After all, I feel terrific, can climb mountains without getting winded or even particularly tired (though I hasten to say I seriously doubt I could climb for three hours straight up in the heat of Bhutan with my hair down, wearing knee high boots and a leather gilet, without a single visible bead of perspiration on my perpetually smiling, totally radiant, face as the Duchess of Cambridge did last Friday.  I mean, honestly!)  and I feel mentally adequate to practically any task I set for myself.  However, I am frequently mistaken for ten years younger than I actually am and I am ashamed to say I hardly ever correct the kindly, short-sighted person making that flattering but inaccurate assumption.  This must mean I have at least a little bit of discomfort with the number.  

My grandmother dealt with this issue by simply shaving ten years off her age.  She continued at a job she enjoyed long past the time when she would have been expected to exit by employing this fib and when she died, well into her nineties, there were people still remarking what incredible skin she had for a woman barely eighty.  I am grateful for her genes, particularly as I have no intention of surgically altering my appearance in the always futile effort to look younger.  As the guru on aging acceptance, Diane Keaton, so eloquently put it, “No one ever looks younger, just different”.   As an unabashed lover of the uniqueness of faces it saddens me no end to see that irreplaceable quality erased in so many, all in the pursuit of the outer illusion of youth.  One thing I have learned in my many years is that youth is an inside job.  I am lucky to have older friends whose zestful curiosity, playful wit, and sincere empathy cause me to regard them as peers.  These people, I know, shall remain young no matter their age.  May it be so for me as well.

For those of you with big birthdays on the horizon, here’s what I can tell you.  Grab a pencil, you may want to write these down..... 

Everything you ever heard about sunscreen is absolutely true, it’s way more important than La Mer. 
 No matter how you feel, losing five pounds always makes you feel better.
 Fruits, vegetables, fresh water, fish, and a little chocolate. 
 Flip through Vogue for inspiration, it’s not a manual. 
 Read everything, especially the classics.  
Turn off the television, except for Grantchester. 
 Travel, travel, travel. 
 Do something creative every day. 
 Write letters, with pen and paper and pretty stamps. 
 Kiss, a lot. 
 Hold hands.
Spend less time thinking about how you look.  It’s totally true that nobody cares, they really are too busy thinking about how they look to consider you. 
  Always roll the car windows down on a pretty day.
  Stilettos really are a tool of the devil.
  Be kind. 
 Forgive.
  Not everyone looks good in a hat.
 Everybody really does look good in black. 
  Plant flowers round your door.
  Don't dismiss God because so many people are doing stupid, cruel things in His name.  
Sit by the sea whenever you can.
  Never stop listening to The Beatles. 
 And of course, get a dog if you don’t have one.  You will always be a thing of utter beauty and goodness in his eyes.  No matter your age. 

The photo above sits in The Songwriter’s studio.  Me, around five I guess.  There were two photos taken that day.  One, perfectly posed and ladylike, with me smiling carefully so as not to display my missing teeth.  That is the one my Mother framed. This one, however, is The Songwriter's favourite as he thinks it shows me as I really was.  Here’s the secret, that still who I am.  No matter my age. 
No matter, my age. 

**If you’re interesting in seeing photos from my recent journey, go HERE** 

25 comments:

  1. A quote from one of my favorite greeting cards: "We are always the same age inside."
    I'm trying to learn to smile and reply "Why, thank you!" when someone tells me how young I look. 😉 I'm sure that's what my Mom would tell me to do. She certainly didn't look her age at 96.

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  2. "youth is an inside job" - 'tis so. :)
    Many happy returns of your birthday and thank you for this lovely gift of words.
    I recently had the pleasure of interviewing a woman who is about to turn 107! Although her vision has now failed her, her words and wisdom and giving spirit have not. :)

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  3. Thank you for your lovely and wise words. And belated birthday good wishes to you! Your picture is wonderful, so full of sparkle and happiness.

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  4. Happy Birthday! I'm about to have a significant one (I suspect the same one you've just had). It is a questioning time, indeed. It reminds me of some beautiful Johnny Mercer lyrics, " I should be over it now, I know. It doesn't matter much how old I grow. I hate to see October go."

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  5. Glad you got to spend your day in a wonderful way. I think I have a couple of years on you, if you're at the milestone I think you are. People tell me I don't look my age, but I'm appalled at the way I look in photos - is that me? However, I think I'm happier than I've ever been. I agree with so much of what you say.
    Carolyn (@hillonthehouse on IG)

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  6. Happy Birthday. What a beautifully written post (as always). It is your readers that have been given a gift today!
    I enjoyed following you on your travels... it looked like a perfect way to spend your birthday... indeed.
    May this year be a great one. I look forward to spending it with you here...

    xo

    Brooke

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  7. When I saw the title of your post I thought I could add my two cents on this topic! However I think you pretty much nailed it!

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  8. Happy happy birthday, dear Pamela!
    What very good advice you give!
    x

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  9. Thank you for your wise words; I think I do most of them. Happy Birthday.

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  10. Happy Birthday, Pamela! Mine's next month. I know you've probably read it, but Nora Roberts's "I Feel Bad About My Neck...." is a fun read.

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  11. Happy, happy birthday, Pamela. No matter what your age, you are amazing. I agree 100% with you on the "list". I'm probably older than you and I follow most of these suggestions. May this year be the best ever.
    xo,
    Karen

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  12. Very happy birthday Pamela. Agree with all you say. I have just lost twelve pounds and feel a million dollars (well, maybe half a million) in spite of being over eighty. Never thoght of lying and knocking ten years off my age, maybe it is a bit late now. Shall go and look at your holiday.

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  13. Happy birthday!!! I'm facing one of those big birthdays in October and I've been giving a lot of thought as to how I want to mark the occasion. Sounds like your celebration was perfect.

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  14. happy birthday dear bean!
    a most wonderful post.
    but then they all always are.
    the only other thing i would add... to the list which is spot on... not everyone can afford to travel travel travel...
    so it's important also to learn to be content with what is.
    and to happily enjoy the travels of others... such as yourself! which i am about to do by following your link.
    i used to think about telling people i was 10 years older than my age... so they would think "wow! you look great for your age!" but i don't care what anyone thinks now. it's only a number. and this summer mine is turning 71! YAYYY for us all. no matter our numbers! XOXO♥
    ps... i'm with the song writer. picture is adorable.

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  15. Happy Birthday Pamela! I could not have talked about aging more poignantly and eloquently than you have!!

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena

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  16. Happy birthday. I absolutely need to print this post out and frame it. I loved everything about it and I especially loved your list of 'advice'.

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  17. Happy birthday. I absolutely need to print this post out and frame it. I loved everything about it and I especially loved your list of 'advice'.

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  18. Happy birthday, dear Pamela! That is fine advice indeed. I especially liked: "One thing I have learned in my many years is that youth is an inside job." That is true.

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  19. I do hope you had a very Happy Birthday Pamela. So looking forward to hearing about your holiday.
    You're absolutely right about Grantchester........love the Vicar. Pamela, did you see Life in Squares? James Norton plays Duncan Grant. It was a 3 part BBC series on the Bloomsbury set at Charleston. You'll find it if you didn't.
    Cheers
    Anita xx

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  20. I do hope you had a very Happy Birthday Pamela. So looking forward to hearing about your holiday.
    You're absolutely right about Grantchester........love the Vicar. Pamela, did you see Life in Squares? James Norton plays Duncan Grant. It was a 3 part BBC series on the Bloomsbury set at Charleston. You'll find it if you didn't.
    Cheers
    Anita xx

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  21. Oh dear, it's ALWAYS a laugh line, no matter what !! at almost 73 i'm enjoying everyone of them. That's not to say I dont give them a "treat' each and every night, lest they become too deep and i loose a grandchild in them !

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  22. Oh Pamela - it would have been so lovely to see you - Grantley is quite near. Such a shame that the farmer was ill. I insist that you absolutely must call next time you come over.

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  23. My dear Pamela, enjoy your year of your "big fat birthday"! Soon this year will seem like a thin birthday. I just turned 62 and was thrilled as I was able to purchase a Golden Age lifetime pass for $10 - they used to be free - that provides me free access to all federal lands that charge a fee, like our National Parks. I spend a lot of my time wandering Arizona's wild lands, the state with the 2nd most National Parks! I hope you continue your wanderings as well.

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I love to read your comments! Each and every one! Though I'm always reading your comments, I may not respond in the comment section. If you want to write me directly, you may do so at pamela@pamelaterry.net. Thank you for reading!