Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Only Fitting


Only Fitting

It is expected, often assumed, that wisdom is always the fruit of age.  Even though we empirically know this is an inaccurate assumption, we still expect it.  So many whiplash experiences come hurtling through the trees to hit us squarely in the heart as we journey along this blue planet it is painful to imagine we glean nothing useful from them.  So when we catch our breath from the latest unexpected, unasked for, and unwanted sneak attack we often pause and we wonder…. is there anything of value here?  Have I been left with anything other than memories of a better day? Does there remain the knowledge of a divine alchemy by which I can create a balm for my soul?  One that might keep it open and unlatched despite the dreadful knowledge I now possess?  

A lot of words have been written about grief, almost as many as have been written about love.  This is only fitting, of course.  For as I wrote when Edward died, grief is indeed the price we pay for love.  Or as another person put it, to fall in love is to receive an engraved invitation to grief.  One thing I have come to realize in these few short weeks without my magical creature beside me is that those are the only two feelings we have.  Love, and Grief.  Mirror images of one another.  Great, expansive webs into which all the other emotions are captured and held.  The siren song of love is only heard by all the sweet spirits that flow from its source to fall like soft, warm rain on our hearts:  laughter, kindness, hope, joy.  While grief lures into its chasm all that is dark; we approach it with the trepidation it deserves and we cling to its sides till our fingers bleed lest all the goodness we long to preserve is sucked down and lost forever in its bitterness and fear. 

There is the old saying, oft repeated, that grief is only healed by time.  To the grief-stricken this is sometimes heard as a warning.  We don’t necessarily want our grief to heal, for healing implies forgetting and that’s the last thing we wish to contemplate.  To resign a great love to the occasional memory is anathema.  We want them with us always, in whatever form they choose to take - bitterness can seem preferable to nothingness.  No, any healing power that time imparts is the power of courage, for courage is what we need to continually wrest our souls back from the blackness of grief.  It takes courage to set grief aside and choose gratefulness instead.  It takes courage to turn one’s back on the trauma of loss and choose to love again - to choose to always love.  And make no mistake, grief is a formidable foe; it has the power to make this a difficult choice.   

If my age has imparted to me anything resembling wisdom, this one thing I do know:  Love is stronger than grief.  So everyday, in small ways and big ones, I keep on choosing love.  To do so leaves me unprotected from the welts of grief, I know this too well.  But it also keeps me from sliding down into its dark hole, abandoned and alone.  These past few weeks I have been buoyed by friends and readers who have known the sharp stab of grief themselves.  I will forever be thankful for their generosity of spirit.  But grief is a solitary journey; no one can walk it for you.  It is a deal you make when you choose to love.  Love.  And Grief.  Having sat in the halls of both, I will still choose love. 
xx
Pamela

Note: 
The Songwriter and I were scheduled to travel to Scotland last month.  When we received Edward’s shocking diagnosis, however, we cancelled our trip, never dreaming he’d be gone in eight short days.  So we are going in a few days.  I have written often about the magic bestowed upon me by the Highlands of Scotland and am looking forward to their healing powers now more than ever.  If you would like to follow along on this journey, you may do so on my Instagram page, HERE.   It is titled Pamela and Edward, and will always remain so. 

Also, so many of you have inquired about sweet Apple.  Thank you so much.  She is doing fine.  Much better than we have been.  We now realize she knew Edward was ill long before we did, something that is both extraordinary as well as humbling.  But if you’ve read Edward’s Christmas book, you will remember that Apple has many thoughts roaming around in her head, mostly ones to do with chipmunks, cheese and play.  Nothing ever troubles her in inordinate fashion and we are extremely grateful for that.

24 comments:

  1. Pamela,

    You have a gift with words that makes me smile and cry each time visit here. Today my heart and farce are filled with tears for you at the loss of your beautiful magical Edward and for me as I remember exactly how you feel remembering my sweet, and magical Munchen. They are so right when they say the price of love is grief. Sweet unconditional love is a blessing that bleeds one of tears, life and even love on the terrible day we must say goodbye.

    Edward was a beautiful soul, thank you for sharing him with us, your readers. He is loved and will be remembered each time we visit here, each time we see his fury white face here and on instagram and again each time you mention his name.

    Have a wonderful and healing time in Scotland. I felt the same way that you describe the moment my feet touched the ground on my first trip there. I felt "home" as I have never felt anywhere in the world. It is a wonderful feeling.

    Travel safe,
    Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  2. Safe journeys and I am sure that once you reach the Highlands healing shall begin. Having been there myself I know only well the magickal powers they hold.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Safe journey. As you head to the Highlands you'll hear the old and immutable adage 'Grief takes eight seasons'. It's true. Something a grandmother passed on to her grandsons who didn't understand it's ingrained truth until much later.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pamela - your words today have helped me a lot. Grief has to be worked through - grief is something we can feel for either human or animal. My love for my dear farmer has not lessened over the seven months since he died - I now just have Tess to comfort and console me. We keep ploughing on and use our memories of happy times as support. Have a wonderful time in Scotland. At the moment is is cold, wet and windy up there - I hope this gives way to some glorious Highland Autumn weather and that your healing process can continue.

    ReplyDelete
  5. it seems only right that you should be heading to the highlands.
    your heart is there. and safe you'll be with the songwriter by your side.
    love to you both.
    and to the incorrigible beloved little apple.
    and to the little white ghost who will be with you always. XO♥

    ReplyDelete
  6. May your days in Scotland overflow with beauty and goodness and be filled with a sense of wonder and thankfulness.

    ReplyDelete
  7. May the Highlands provide some balm for both your souls. Godspeed.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for this. We share your grief and wish you well as you journey forward.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think your trip to Scotland will be healing Pamela. I have thought of you often since Edward left. It takes another lover of dogs to truly understand how they are just as much a part of your family as are the human ones.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sweetest and wisest words always fall from your pen. So true. Love you. xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  11. Pamela, have a wonderful time in Scotland and write of all that you do. I think of you and Edward very often, and I miss both of you. No matter how our opinions about "stuff" might be, I admire and cherish you. Sending love,

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh! I've been visiting your page & hoping to read your words of healing. It's almost impossible to express such deep torturous grief. But you, dear Pamela, have done just that & your willingness to share your words is so very much appreciated.
    Your entry here reminded me of the words of Solomon:
    "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm,for love is as strong as death."
    Over & over those words have been proven to me to be true & brought me comfort & helped me to heal.
    Bless you, Pamela! & thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hope you have a peaceful, healing time in Scotland. And from experience I know it is true, time heals but the scar remains. Have a safe journey and come back to us with more beautiful stories. Thank you for them.
    Nicole - Belgium

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have thoughts on loss and grief that go something like this, though my words cannot express it perfectly. If the person/being we have lost loved us equally as much as we loved them, then they would be guilt-ridden and horrified by any long-tern grief that their passing caused us. They would feel terrible that their passing - and therefore their very life and relationship with us - has led to our unhappiness. They would want to know that knowing them and loving them enriched our lives forever, even after their passing, not that it has made us, in the end, miserable. A grieving period is inevitable, but in time, we must be able to move forward with peace, acceptance and gratitude, otherwise, we turn having known them them into a negative experience instead of one of the best and most important of our lives...

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm so happy to see a post from you. Everyday I look to see if there is something that will let us all know how you are doing. You once again have comforted us with your beautiful words. I can not imagine the pain and emptiness you are dealing with day to day. "All his bright light gone from the world" (Jacqueline Kennedy). Wishing you comfort and peace and restoration in your beautiful Highlands.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I wish you a safe and healing journey.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think that of all you've written, this post is the most beautiful. I have been filled with trepidation on awaiting this post after the loss of Edward. I could not respond well at the time and have waited until now to give you, the Songwriter and Apple my dearest and softest feelings of sympathy. How right you are when you wrote, "We don’t necessarily want our grief to heal, for healing implies forgetting and that’s the last thing we wish to contemplate. To resign a great love to the occasional memory is anathema. We want them with us always..." Elizabeth Lesser wrote "The gift of grief is that you still stay connected" and I agree. One more quote I offer that speaks of this special bond is from Irving Townsend: "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way." May you find enough quiet places to share your love with the winds and send them off to Edward.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The healing powers of the Highlands are waiting for you Pamela ..............and you'll find them.
    Anita xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Enjoy the peace and healing you will find on the Highlands of Scotland.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I will make sure to follow you - I loved the Highlands, having visited them for the first time this summer. I hope they bring you peace and uplift your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Loving this so much, Pamela, loving you and the Songwriter, and Apple and your precious Edward, and his memory. Loving you all with tears in my eyes... xo

    ReplyDelete
  22. We are enjoying your beautiful pictures on Instagram

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have not been very active on my blog and reading blogs lately, so I only just learned of Edward's passing. We lost our sweet dog four years ago, after 14 and a half years. I do understand your grief and loss. Dogs are such incredible family members. My husband and I both still miss "Cezar", although the pain has eased. I hope our trip to Scotland brings you peace and relief from the pain of loss. Edward was lucky to have had such a wonderful home.

    ReplyDelete

I love to read your comments! Each and every one! Though I'm always reading your comments, I may not respond in the comment section. If you want to write me directly, you may do so at pamela@pamelaterry.net. Thank you for reading!