Thursday, January 15, 2009


Surely You Jest

Last night I dreamed I gave up swimming for Lent. Now, before someone pauses in admiration of my saintliness, let me hasten to explain that I cannot swim. This dream of mine, therefore, caused a bit of entertainment over morning toast and clementines when I related it to the Songwriter, who wryly commented, ”Wow, what a sacrifice for you”. He is well-versed in irony. My parents tried to interest me in swimming with lessons which I truly dreaded like medicine. The sensation of being under water consistently failed to charm me, and no number of ear plugs or nose clips could ever elevate the experience to an enjoyable level. Needless to say, I did not excel in those lessons. However, as I suspected at the time, much like high school frog dissection, I have never once found swimming to be a necessary skill in my adult life. Decorators are not usually required to work in bathing suits and if they are, they should probably re-evaluate the project.

The only sport I have ever participated in willingly was riding. I did love that with a passion, but seriously suspect it had much more to do with the requisite close relationship with a horse than with my actual enjoyment of any sort of activity that could perhaps have been deemed athletic. No to softball, no to tennis, no gymnastics and no track. Football? Please. Bowling? In rental shoes? Golf? Surely you jest. Watch any of these things on television? What?..... Why? To tell the truth, I just never got the point of competitive sports. The only two sporting events I am ever even aware of during the year are The Kentucky Derby and The Iditirod. (To be honest, I did drive a dog sled team in Alaska once. In a frigid January, no less. And actually, I was quite good at that, but that is another story entirely.) I do walk and run and bike and hike, but that’s about it. Fortunately for me, The Songwriter and I share in this disinterest of the wide, wide world of sports, which makes for quite a happy little life. To best illustrate this, some years back, The Songwriter had one of his songs performed during the halftime show at the Super Bowl. True to form, we were totally unaware of the game and were actually returning home on a flight from Disney World, of all places, while it was played. When we arrived home, our phone was ringing like mad with friends from all over the country calling with congratulations. We had missed the whole thing.

So, all this is to say that, regardless of my dream, I do not think swearing off swimming will actually accomplish much for my soul during this season of Lent.
Why do I think it’s going to have to be chocolate?

33 comments:

  1. Growing up on the shores of Lake Michigan, I think I grew up in the water. However, I echo your sentiments about learning to swim about golf. Now that, to me, seems as useless an endeavor as ever was created! Loved your image today for that very reason. :-)

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  2. Someone else from the shores of Lake Michigan? Oops, that distracted me. I just wanted to say that David and I also share a complete lack of interest in sports. When someone comments on the performance of a favorite team, we sometimes have to ask, "Is it, uh, basketball season?"

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  3. basically I'm out of the loop on more then sports, but also TV, movies and just general popular things - it's not that I don't like these things?, I just don't think about them. I have started getting netflix, which I really enjoy, so am catching up on movies - dreams are amazing aren't they......loved the image in your last post - the crow...fabulous!

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  4. I can so identify with this! Sport is totally outside my stream of consciousness.

    I so enjoyed the way you have written this!

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  5. I have grown fondly attached to the basketball team at my university, and this year should prove to be one of its best seasons. But I have lost the intense interest I once had. It's all about the players themselves that interests me.

    But me? I never played any sports. Nor have I ever ridden a horse, I'm very sorry to say. I am romantic, and this lack makes me sad. I guess at 52 it isn't impossible to think I could still try it.

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  6. So as we move ever so slowly into our golden years, should I feel honored that I actually was a witness to most of your athletic endeavors? I'm with the Songwriter on this one; I laughed out loud at your initial proclamation of giving up swimming for Lent...even if it was only in your dreams!

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  7. I'm with you. I'm the one that always got hit accidentally with the ball in gym class.
    Oh well. Maybe I've got other gifts. :)

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  8. I cannot now wait to hear the story about driving a dog sled team! Like Peggy, I grew up near to water and learned to swim in the River Witham, which ran along the bottom of our garden.

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  9. Tango dancing! Now there's an excercise program for you and the Songwriter! Get our book Gotta Tango! We'd love to teach you!
    And do tell, which song was played at the football game?
    Gorgeous writing as ever...
    xo xo
    PS We look forward to Lent here in New Orleans! After the holiday kick off of Thanksgivng, seguing into Christmas and New Years over indulgence, we move right into Carnival season with lots of cocktails and king cake. Ash Wednesday is a relief, and a welcome excuse to give up sugar and booze ha ha!hystinc

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  10. I agree with Visual Vamp, also intrigued to know more about the song. How romantic to be married to a songwriter.

    It's a shame about the swimming because it is very relaxing and you are quite literally in another element.

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  11. Yes, I know what you mean about sport, though I have grown to love cricket, in the ten years that Andy's been playing. And I did enjoy the one time I got to try snorkelling. It does seem that sport is often considered superior to art; though we know differently!

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  12. I live in a very sports oriented city. I do think that folks wonder why my eyes always glaze over when they mention a team of any kind. I don't even know which sport the team belongs to. (Nor do I care.) Consequently, I am often bored in the company of others.
    Catherine

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  13. I do believe you'll have to come up with something else for Lenten sacrifice, Pamela. :-)
    I never learned to swim either,and neither did my husband, so we are compatible that way.
    We do like watching baseball and soccer, and we ski, so we do participate in one sport. I often wish I could play tennis, but I'm not as coordinated as I'd like, so I'm embarrassed to play with anyone.

    Your husband must be an amazing songwriter! It must be a thrill to hear his music being performed.

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  14. Letting go of control terrified me when my parents tried to teach me to swim. I did finally teach myself after a fashion. In case of emergency don't count on me to save you though. I could barely save myself.

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  15. I am so glad to hear another adult admit to being unable to swim!! My mother forced me to swim lessons each summer and the more I was forced into the classes the quicker I would sink! Finally a teacher taught me to just float and be happy and thanks to that teacher I can flip over on my back and float for days (in the event of an emergency I want to be prepared).

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  16. Oh, I soooo enjoyed this post. I was born and raised around water, never the less I can't swim a lick.
    I would make a good rock and just sink to the bottom of the river!
    It's nice to know that others are not aware of what team is playing and what they are playing. I thought I was the only one in the boat!
    Looking forward to the story about driving a dog sled team!
    Happy Week-end, and thanks for your recent visit to my blog.

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  17. I am not much into sport either, actually not at all, but I do like the occasional plunge in the deep blue.

    The Aussie in me has to admit that she is shocked about your (and others) swimming confession. The mother in me would love to try and teach you how to swim but the woman in me says, do exactly what you want, after all why should everybody like swimming. The longer I live away from Australia the more I realize that the many things I assumed were part of life the world over are not at all.

    Enjoy your land legs and thank you for such an entertaining and really fun post. Good luck with the chocolate! xv

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  18. I love this post Pamela! I cannot swim either and have a complete lack of interest in sports (with the exception of hockey ...) :-) and I don't like chocolate either :-) it's chips I give up for Lent!

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  19. You seem to have gathered a clan of armchair enthusiasts, Pamela and I could add myself to the list! I hated swimming lessons at school but I CAN swim. I rarely have any compunction, however, to participate in any sports or to watch, except for Wimbledon!

    In UK, having no interest in football is a capital offence!

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  20. So nice to talk to someone who can't swim..because I can not swim!!! Love to watch the waves ...never wanted to go in!Did go to swimming lessons when i was a little girl but hated it..My husband is a great swimmer and he can't understand that I don't like to go in the water...he tried many times to teach me how to swimm ..no luck so far..:)

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  21. Like you I cannot swim, I was always terrified when we went swimming from school, yet I love being near the sea. I was never good at sports either especially team games but I could run fast and do the high jump, I used to volunteer for cross country runs to get out of hockey or rounders:)

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  22. How doth Edward feel about this?
    Perhaps swimming lessons would be just the thing to give you for a present.
    It is a liberating sport.

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  23. Your post hit home with me too. I love a big bay of water to look at, feel and appreciate, but to put my face in?! When I was younger I took swimming lesson and had to stay behind holding onto the side of the swimming pool kicking my feet with my face in the water!!
    Same with bowling shoes...
    I'm sure who ever started the idea of giving up chocolate did it for the same reasons some of us have. LOL...
    Enjoy!

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  24. LOL although I like doing some sports, I can't sit and watch many. When I see ice skating I'm thinking about their costumes and ballet in their movements not the competition. If ever hubby and I were in a pub quiz team I think we would flunk all the sports questions. nice to hear we aren't alone.

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  25. If I even hear football or Rugby on the TV or radio my brain seems to go into 'numb' mode! Any creative thought I might have had seems to sail out of the window! Grrr!!!

    I can swim, but I hate public swimming pools because of all the chlorine. I do like to swim in the sea if its warm enough.

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  26. I can swim but not well and I've never found it to be something i wish i could do well...

    I'm not sporty at all and neither is my partner, we both love long walks by the river/in the countryside and the only tv sport we ever watch is tennis

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  27. Ahh..Lent... I am still trying to write my New Year's Resolutions in stone!! LOL!! Lent is a whole other story!

    I loved sports in school.. swim team, track ...wasn't a star or anything...just liked to socialize with the other kids...always wanted to try tennis.. oh well..never to late..

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  28. I am so sorry you will have to be giving up chocolate for Lent rather than swimming!

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  29. oh my, swimming (euck, school memories - cold damp swim suits, that stuck to you in cold, old victorian, green tiled,changing rooms) in fact sport in all its shapes & sizes leave me & mine feeling pretty chilly, a long walk or cycle along our lovely lanes and by-ways is more than enough for Mr O & I.

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  30. oh dear you make me smile!

    I learned to swim as an adult, you can only imagine how this put me on the sidelines in Florida! I'm still not a very strong swimmer but I can make it across a pool ;) Not fond of any sport either but I love to walk and ride bikes and sometimes dance!

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  31. I am sure God would be devastated if you gave up swimming for lent. I am sure it would be too great a sacrifice with the weather so balmy and you just itching to dive right in. Give up something really hard like fishpaste!

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  32. I can't begin to tell you how very much I enjoyed this post! I have never taken to swimming either; although I technically can swim, it never seems quite as effortless as a strong swimmer makes it out to be. And I can not dive, which I do regret, but despite the lessons I had, I've never managed a smooth, running dive... straight off the side/board is the best I can manage, and that certainly has no elegance to it. I suppose I shouldn't elect to give up swimming (or diving!) for Lent either... :)

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  33. I think that for lent you should swim.
    I was just like you..had no interest and was terrified of water. Eventually when I was 38 I went to the little local pool in the village, built in 1911 by a local benefactor so the children who live in the Villages wouldn't drown in the ponds and quarry holes nearby, and i put on arm bands and floats..in front of the children i had been teaching during the day, and had lessons. two years later I swam a mile and passed a silver medal test where I had to dive down and pick up a brick from the bottom of the pool, among other things.
    Then I could swim in the sea in Greece..and Ireland..and Cornwall, and once in a pool at the bottom of a waterfall in Cumbria. And that is one of the best things in the world.

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I love to read your comments! Each and every one! Though I'm always reading your comments, I may not respond in the comment section. If you want to write me directly, you may do so at pamela@pamelaterry.net. Thank you for reading!