Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Finding the Balance


Finding the Balance

Having lost all affection for the corporate world, she had left it without a backward glance and was now immersed in a career full of sunshine, animals, art, and a more basic, more personal, commerce.  She was fulfilled and happy.  Over dinner with this new-found acquaintance, I peppered her with questions and soon discovered that a life spent caring for lots of animals bears less resemblance to a Beatrix Potter story than to a constant all-weather slog through the sort of manual labor I’ve never known, nor wished to know.  No sleeping in.  No travel allowed.  After all, who can one call to “pet sit” fifty sheep and thirty goats while one goes to the beach?  Not happening.  In spite of these all too obvious, at least to me, drawbacks, the lady had no hesitation in declaring a total love of her lifestyle and her countenance underscored her words.

She told me she had long ago cancelled her newspapers.  She never watched, read, nor listened to the news and would stop anyone cold who attempted to relate to her the horrors of the day.  She wasn’t familiar with the presidential candidates; she had no knowledge of the 372 mass shootings in the US in 2015; she hadn’t seen the recent photograph of the starving polar bear making his way across the rapidly disappearing arctic ice.  As the conversation flowed away to other subjects this revelation bookmarked itself in my brain and I turned it over and over all the way home, this woman’s choice to be selectively ignorant becoming more beguiling with each mile.  After all, why do I need to know the latest glob of odious lava that spews from the mouth of Donald Trump?  What can I do, really DO, to change the bleak reality of the thousands of homeless, hopeless refugees bobbing like corks in treacherous seas?  There is no doubt I carry the stresses of this type of heavy knowledge;  no doubt it sits on my soul like a brick.  Why couldn’t I, like my friend, simply… blissfully…choose to ignore it?  

Over the next couple of days I mulled and I pondered.  For the life of me I couldn’t figure out how my awareness of the world’s pains, pains I could neither alter nor change by the mere fact of my knowledge, could benefit anyone, least of all me.   In fact, I thought, who knew what might happen if my dedicated nescience resulted in a whole new bank of newly freed brain cells, freshly washed and ready to march to the forefront of my creativity.  Finally I broached the subject with The Songwriter, ready to dissect these possible benefits and weigh them against my current reality.  He looked at me and said, “But awareness is how you develop empathy.  Isn’t it?”

And I suppose that’s the crux of the matter.  Regardless of what the newscasters and politicians would have us believe, the events of the day should not merely generate fear and xenophobia.  They should create awareness that can eventually bring about change.  Great art can certainly engender empathy and so, of course, can travel.   But is that enough?   Can we really afford to be selective about what we choose to know of the culture around us, however disturbing it may be?  There should be a balance, I think, between the sort of immersion in the woes of the day that leads to depression and the conscious, continual, avoidance of bad news that leads to selfishness.  I’m sure the lady I spoke with knew her own boundaries and had chosen accordingly.  But if we are unaware of the refugee, how can we identify with him?  And if we are unable to identify with him, unable to put ourselves into his shoes, why should we care what happens to him?  If we are not personally effected by the changing climate, why should we bother voting for those who wish to tackle it?   If we’ve never been a victim of gun violence, why should we see it as a problem?  If our soul does not regularly bruise with empathy, will it not harden?

I have a friend who chastises me for giving money to beggars on the street.  He’s convinced it’s usually a scam, and maybe that’s true.  But what I’ve tried to explain is that I don’t just do it for the man with his hand out.  I also do it for me.  My sense of empathy allows me to see myself in that man, as painful as that often is.  My impulse is to help, and I fear that to squash that impulse would be tempting damage to my soul.  
 I cannot risk that.

Don't be tempted by the shiny apple
Don't you eat of a bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth
'Cause all that you have is your soul
Tracy Chapman

***
I confess I often skip the front page of the Times and head straight to the Arts section in an attempt to escape the idiocy that seems rampant in the world today, so I’m still working this all out.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

27 comments:

  1. First of all Pamela, we are part of this world - like it or hate it -and we just can't bury our heads in the sand, even though there are many times when we would like to do just that.
    If we are lucky enough to have a comfortable life then we owe it to ourselves to be aware of those who are not so fortunate and to do anything we can to alleviate their problems. This applies especially at the moment to the thousands of refugees - especially the children (many of whom, I understand have arrived in a strange country alone.)
    As to beggars - then we give to them in my opinion. There may be some scams, but some are genuine and that is enough for me.
    And as for not reading the newspaper - it is vital that we keep up with world affairs - we are part of that world. What is important is that we read a quality newspaper and not one that thrives on sensationalism.
    What an interesting post - and how it made me think.

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  2. Who is the artist of the painting??

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    1. I wish I knew. Found it on Pinterest. Sorry.

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    2. Bernard Fleetwood-Walker, R.A. (British, 1893 - 1965) - Armchair, 1960 - Oil on panel - Here's a site with many more of his works: http://www.fleetwood-walker.co.uk/public-collections/ (scroll down to see "Armchair") Thank you for posting the image - it's lovely to become acquainted with another of these mid-20th-century British artists.

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  3. Hi Pamela! You've done a great job articulating what is a real problem in our country. Angry cynics seem to abound, but i am more confounded by those who think that turning their back on the world and cocooning themselves somehow makes everything go away. This seems to me to be as narrow a way of thinking as building walls to keep out what we are afraid of instead of using our minds and talents to confront problems. Thanks for your thoughtful words.

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  4. Yes, perfect choice in painting. I have pondered these questions for most of my adult life. Is the "ignorance is bliss" maxim right? Sometimes, I think. It depends on the person. If I were a hedge fund manager, I would have my 'peaceable kingdom' animal sanctuary: I would take in any neglected or abused animal and love and care for them. When I give money, it is usually to the vet for the poor person/animal in the waiting room who can't afford to care for their animal. It just takes all kinds of people with different personalities. And, people change too. I have always had animals and recently lost one. I love them too much. I can't travel, even to go visit for a day as my weenie is diabetic. I don't think my heart can break many more times. So, after the ones I have pass, I will have no more animals. A new life will begin though I don't know what that will be like. Also, though this is wordy, I think it is not so much a lack of empathy as a means of protecting oneself from shouldering the pain of the world - or a chicken heart as Grandma Great used to say.

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  5. I totally agree with the Weaver of Grass. I feel I must keep up with the news of the day and try to separate the wheat from the chaff. Even though much news seems of the sensational category, we need be aware that however disturbing it is, evil abounds in our world, and we cannot let it sneak up on us from behind and destroy our lives without knowing what hit us. The Golden Rule should still be our guide, but not forget there are many out there who would not treat us in the same manner.

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  6. I think each person should find their comfort level in watching/reading the news of the day. Most people would probably be more comfortable with a little less immersion. While I don't really agree with shutting yourself off and pretending it's not happening (shouldn't we all be responsible citizens who are knowledgeable enough to vote, at least?), I don't think that more than a few minutes a day of television news is very productive for anyone.

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  7. I think each person should find their comfort level in watching/reading the news of the day. Most people would probably be more comfortable with a little less immersion. While I don't really agree with shutting yourself off and pretending it's not happening (shouldn't we all be responsible citizens who are knowledgeable enough to vote, at least?), I don't think that more than a few minutes a day of television news is very productive for anyone.

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  8. A wonderful painting and thoughts today Pamela! The word "empathy" always resonates with me and there is certainly not enough in the world today. So much of the news I choose to ignore; the focus for me is to live a meaningful life, pay it forward in the ways that I can and make a difference.

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena
    Dreams of Spring!

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  9. Cannot tell you how much I appreciate this post, Pamela!
    I am constantly at struggle with this - whether to read the news or not, whether I can withstand the injustices and the horrors of the world.
    And how beautifully you have put it - why we should still do it.
    Thanks!
    Neha.

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  10. This is the most thoughtful post I've read in ages. I actually am stopped in my steps. Thank you for taking the time to put down your thoughts and help us figure out where we all fit into the crazy world.
    Rose in Ohio

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  11. We are all part of "the ruthless furnace of this world" so how can we refuse to see what should be seen? Living with our eyes open means we'll be both confronted with the horrors and blessed by the beauty. Yes, balance. Sometimes we need to tip the balance more in one direction than in the other. But we need balance to keep us afloat.

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  12. This is an excellent question for those who believe that reality exists independently of our creating it. But for those of us who believe as many quantum physicists do that there is only a quantum field of possibilities that collapses into what we experience according to our beliefs/expectations, then something could be said for avoiding those things that keep us from generating our highest hopes. I know personally that I am an empathetic, caring, hopeful, helpful human who does not need to be confronted with random horrors in order to express those emotions.

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  13. To view the abuses of humanity and animals is, indeed, a heavy burden. But, not to know it exists is a danger, not just to ourselves, but to all life. We need to use our voices to say when something is not right, but, there is no need for a voice when we are unaware of the wrong. However, I believe in balance, too. We need to soothe our souls with all the beauty that remains in this world...in this life. That balm fortifies us for the tough work ahead.

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  14. I, too, agree with The Weaver of Grass. We may not, as individuals, be able to change the most horrific problems in our world, but we must bear witness in some way. Those who suffer need to know that someone is pulling for them, at the very least, if only in our hearts. It occurs to me that the lady with the animals has succumbed to her fears. She doesn't even know who the candidates are? So she doesn't vote! What a shame to deny oneself a rightful say in things. Yes, the world news is tough read; but somewhere in that same newspaper there's also a video of a panda playing in the snow.

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  15. An interesting post Pamela and have enjoyed reading the thoughts of those who have commented. I think I'm probably aligned with the Weaver of the Grass in terms of opinion. In the country, I'm often oblivious to what's happening in the world. Lack of internet, television and the closure of the general store means accessing newspapers is a 20 minute drive away now, so I don't bother (as I'm not!!). Unfortunately for now, bang, I'm back in town and it can't be avoided, media and the www., all the things unavailable in the bush are here on tap.......so I turn it on and it pours. My balance comes only due to geography.
    You're such a sensitive, thoughtful soul Pamela.
    Cheers
    Anita

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  16. The artist is Bernard Fleetwood-Walker (1893-1965). This painting is an oil on canvas, painted in 1960 and titled "The Armchair".

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  17. Oh, Pamela, I do wrestle with this. Now that I'm retired with plenty of free time, I find myself spending hours perusing all sorts of visual and intellectual stimuli on the internet. For some reason I feel compelled to check out various news sources and keep abreast of current events, read opinion pages, and try to come to some understanding of political and economic issues. Now even more so in an election year. I feel I dedicate too much time to it, but it sucks me in. I should be reading the stack of books in my TBR pile, instead of being a news junkie. Of course it's not only news I read, I do fall down the rabbit hole quite often. I also feel that what we give our attention to expands, and it can certainly affect my mood - and my husband's, too. Just yesterday he commented that he was trying to determine the bad feeling that had washed over him, and he traced it back to a political ad he'd heard. So why do I read about and watch something that makes me feel bad? It makes me feel powerless and pessimistic. Why do I inflict that upon myself? Is this crazy? Is this part of being an informed citizen? It seems that the more we're informed, the less happier we are. I try to look for good feeling stories and I do believe that, despite what the news would tell us, people are basically good and want the same things, and progress is being made. All kinds of marvels seem to be on the horizon. Yet listening to political discourse makes me feel we're doomed to the misplaced fears and hatreds of the lowest common denominator. So, as you say, balance is the key. I will put my energies and money into things I believe in, hopefully towards solutions rather than fear based knee-jerk reactions. And I'm going to try to limit my exposure to anger-fueled or narcissistic idiotic rants. I will continue to find my solace in nature and lose myself in a book in my TBR pile . . .

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    1. Carolyn, I too find it very easy to get drawn into too much internet stuff that doesn't serve me well. It's good to keep up with what's happening, but not to sink for long periods of time into the worst stuff, letting our imaginations run loose. I find I dig deeper into difficult stories that may hold some element of identification or arouse a strong level of empathy, and then I pay an emotional price. It goes back to the question of what we feed ourselves the most. You said this beautifully.

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  18. What wise and thoughtful comments. At various times in my life I have paid attention to various things to varying degrees. I have immersed my self in thought or advocacy for the disabled. I have entered local politics with vigor for the greater good. While married I gave to many charities.
    Now as 70 looms, I know how I will treat any person who comes my way...with attention and empathy. I realize my abilities to be helpful and do what I can, but, I also withdraw from the bounty of a troubled world to consider and nourish the needs of all things living, plant,minimal and human...and of my own soul. I think our time along life's continuum may determine how we use our time. Hopefully each phase is met with kindness, an open mind and a willing to learn and grow with those in our world in an effort to make this world a better place for all of us and for the amazing place we call home, Mother Earth.

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  19. Thanks for expressing this, Amanda. I feel this way, too.

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  20. Just for informational purposes on these topics, I think Alexander Pope's ESSAY ON MAN says it best. And Voltaire's answer to Pope's tome, CANDIDE, too. Both worthy reads. And, as an aside, for most of my adult life I have been a news and political junkie. Not so much anymore; that said, I am aghast that Trump is where he is: I've said there is no way he could be elected. Could he?

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  21. Excellent message from the Songwriter and from you, connecting current events with empathy. I'm writing a review for Wednesday on my blog of Between the World and Me, a memoir that helps white people understand what it feels like to be a African American man in this difficult time. The goal is empathy and change. On vacation my daughter and I noticed a man digging in a dumpster. We gave him fresh food and it made us all feel better. We also give money to charities that feed the hungry and shelter the homeless as often those the most in need, like mothers with kids, aren't the ones you see begging on the streets. There is no fault in kindness. I appreciate your big heart.

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  22. “Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
    ― Robert F. Kennedy

    I was trying to think how I wanted to respond to the question, and then I remembered this quote. Really, if one chooses to ignore the world, it will not mean the world ignores us. It only means that the ignorant will not see it coming if others wish to take their (ignorant) bliss away. Better to be aware of injustice and stand for what is right in whatever small way we can. But taking a rest every once in awhile can refresh a worn out soul enough to carry on.

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    1. I so appreciate this marvelous quote, Katie. Pretty much hits the nail on the head, I think.
      Thank you. xxx

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I love to read your comments! Each and every one! Though I'm always reading your comments, I may not respond in the comment section. If you want to write me directly, you may do so at pamela@pamelaterry.net. Thank you for reading!