Tuesday, December 22, 2015

In The Close and Holy Darkness


In The Close and Holy Darkness

Several years before he died my Father, who loved Christmas with the passion of a child, came home with a new-fangled Christmas tree.  Small enough to fit on a table, it held no threat to the large fir tree that always stood by the fireplace, but it commanded a certain unique attention nonetheless.  It was a fiber optic tree, changing colours as though bewitched whenever you plugged it in.  Mother tolerated it because she loved Daddy, but Daddy simply adored that crazy tree and would turn off all the lights to show it off to any and all visitors.  Having inherited his love of the holiday season, I myself put up three large trees in my house but have now also found the perfect spot for his strange, colourful oddity on the screened porch off my bedroom.  On cold, dark nights, when I wrap up in a tartan blanket and sit beside it,  that tree swirls its outlandish light all around me and I swear I can hear the holiday laughter of my Dad.  Another wonderful memory given to me by my Father.

As someone blessed with the invaluable gift of a happy childhood, I am beholden to tradition.  In doing the same things in the same way every Christmas, I perform a conjuring more potent than any wizard could master.  Those who’ve gone on before glitter and glow all around me and incarnations of my former selves follow me round, giggling and grinning, emitting the ethereal warmth of sweet memory.  Every year I stir my famous Christmas fudge with the same wooden spoon that rested in my Mother’s hands as she did the exact same thing December after December.   Every year I unwrap a tiny, perfect porcelain angel and place it on the side table in my sitting room.  It was given to me by my Great-Aunt Susie the year I was born.  I always watch White Christmas when I wrap presents and I always listen to A Child’s Christmas in Wales each and every Christmas Eve.  My voyages into the past at this festive season are as sweetly anticipated as any summer holiday and my memories are all the tickets I need.

There are those in my life not blessed as I, for whom the holiday season holds no comforting memories but only the pain of loss and lack.  The past is not a country they wish to visit and Christmas only underscores this feeling.  But if the Holy season teaches us anything, it is that life can begin again - hope can blossom on the deadest branch, love can rise from ash.  As I learned from my Dad through that strange little tree he brought home late in his life, we are never too old to create new memories that are destined to delight our souls and bring a special enchantment to this season of joy. 

Three years ago a new family moved into our neighborhood.  Their first Christmas here they put on a live nativity play, complete with sheep and donkeys, with neighbourhood children in the roles of the Holy family, the shepherds, the wise men and the angels.   This charming production has continued and last night I stood in the cold with my hands in my pockets alongside my neighbors to watch this year’s performance take place.  A tiny little blonde in a pink dress with homemade paper wings swung her arms back and forth as she said to us all, “Fear Not, for Behold, I bring you Good Tidings of Great Joy” and I smiled, feeling privileged to be present at the creation of so many shining new memories. For make no mistake, this little girl will remember this cold night in December; her heart is now engraved with the magic of this event.  Like a good fairy, it will wait for her in the close and holy darkness of each Christmas as the magic of my memories wait for me.  

May we always be mindful of the memories we are fashioning, for ourselves and for others.  While no one can change their past, we all possess astonishing power over our futures.  It is my prayer to create as many happy memories as I possibly can, particularly over the festive season.  I wish the same for each and every one of you.
Happy,  Merry Christmas to you All.

17 comments:

  1. Wonderful post, as always. Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.

    Jean

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  2. Oh Pamela ..... you certainly conjoured up memories of my childhood Christmases ....... we, like you, were priveledged to have a very happy childhood and Christmas was a very special time. Our Dad entered into the spirit of it wholeheartedly and I too have tried to give our children some special memories. They have children of their own so we all need to make their Christmas memories too. You did bring a lump to my throat with this post.
    Wishing you and yours the most magical Christmas and here's to making more memories and continued blogging friendship in 2016. XXXX

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  3. What a charmed life you lead Pamela. Hoping you have many more happy days to come. You are truly blessed.

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  4. Sending Christmas greetings to you Pamela along with your Songwriter, Edward and Apple - may each moment be filled with joy and splendid things (such as the Nativity play) so the memories continue. We who experienced lovely childhood Christmasses, with kind and thoughtful parents, were given a special gift - it may not have been costly, huge, or flamboyant, perhaps just wrapped in a little box and called "perfect memories", and they have stayed with us and made each December's festive season special in many ways, some simple yet the best perhaps, and given us joy as only the true meaning of Christmas can.

    Thank you for this story of your childhood and all your beautiful posts shared this year.
    See you here in 2016 which I pray will be a year of peace and loveliness for us all.
    Love and hugs - Mary

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  5. Very well said Pamela. Those of us who had a happy childhood have so many lovely memories to hold on to - and Christmas brings them all flooding back.
    Have a wonderful Christmas - I send you my warmest greeatings.

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  6. I can't say all my Christmas memories are all that great, but I survived. Still, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I can't wait for it to get here and I miss it when all the holiday decorations are put away. I have both your books and look forward to the next one! Wishing you a very Merry Christmas with lots of wonderful new memories!! xx

    Wanda

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  7. We created a new Christmas memory last night! We received Edward's latest book from our friend Paula. I read it to Bailey Bob last night,as he was snuggled in the afghan our neighbor Margaret chroched for him. A very Merry Christmas to you all!

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  8. Pamela,
    As always, I enjoy your posts and I concur on your ideas about creating new, positive memories for ourselves if our past seems lacking. I too had the good fortune of a happy childhood and this time of year is rich with fond memories of fun and anticipation each Christmas.
    Best to you and to your family, both human and furry. :-)
    xo,
    Karen

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  9. Oh Pamela, your writing is so tender and evocative. The spirit of my father, who, from a deeply impoverished childhood, also celebrated Christmas with joy and generosity, hovers by my shoulder as I write.
    Warmest wishes to you, The Songwriter, Edward and Apple for a Christmas and holdiay season filled with warmth, humour, joy and the creation of special, new memories.

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  10. My first comment on your blog. Your words touched me deeply, and gave me a much needed reminder of why we do what we do at this special time of year!! Thank You, and Merry Christmas to you and yours! - Natalie

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  11. Beautiful! In the last afternoon of my dad's life I read him "A Child's Christmas in Wales" - it, and your story above, reminds me of the joy that can be gotten in our remembrances and by reaching out with our hearts to others!

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  12. Oh darling, blessed with a happy childhood! My own childhood was marred, but not without happy holiday memories. And just like you I persevere with a tradition, which has put magic on this lovely season for my family to enjoy. It is indeed something to behold. It is irreplaceable. Merry Christmas to you and all you love!

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  13. Dear Pamela, what a joy it always is to come here. You grace us with so much beauty. Your words bring courage and hope. Thank you so much. Merry Christmas to you and all in your home.

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  14. Merry Christmas Pamela, The Songwriter, Edward and Apple!

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  15. Pamela, Thank you for this lovely post...it truly took my breath away. This is the first Christmas without my Dad. Though it was not his favorite holiday, he left me with wonderful memories. Thanks you again, and wishes for a peaceful and joyous Christmas! Bonnie

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  16. We hope you've all had a wonderful Christmas away from the extreme weather that's been all over the French news !

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  17. When I read what you write, each and everytime, I get such a lump in my throat. Your words always touch my heart. I believe it is a kindred spirit kinda of thing, and I do thank you so much for that. I relive my memories of childhood, so similar to yours, at Christmas and the New Year, and it brings joy, and tears too, of a sweet innocent time long gone. But, how lucky we are, to have those sweet memories, and we are still here to make memories for the children in our life. Happy New year. Thank you for your blog, I love it....
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I love to read your comments! Each and every one! Though I'm always reading your comments, I may not respond in the comment section. If you want to write me directly, you may do so at pamela@pamelaterry.net. Thank you for reading!